Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Am I mysterious, yet? I feel as though I've let my walls fall far too low for far too long. Perhaps I have undermined silence..or saw it to be beyond reach, or possibility in my given circumstance; circumstance, rather, I have chosen to let myself sink into. I am escaping into public disclosure, once again; in spite of time..or the perpetual lack of it.
Am I as transparent as I (regrettably) feel? Something refuses to unwind..it is her; groping and clawing at my insides. It is her; the egomaniac I am powerless against, the monster they warned us of in preschool. I can feel her pulling at my heartstrings and filling my head with too much to decipher. It is her that beckons me to exist without feeling or reason without understanding. (But I distinctly feel bits of her escape from those smiles, run out of those laughs, and fall as the sweat by a beat or a rush of feet)
You don't know it yet (though I'm pretty sure you've got some clue) but you kill her, for me, quite a bit..quite alot, in all truth; enough to make me wonder if I'm saving any of you, back. I wish..I wish to know. (I could care less about being selfish) Do you, really? And..would you, still?
There is something to be said about the first.
Am I as transparent as I (regrettably) feel? Something refuses to unwind..it is her; groping and clawing at my insides. It is her; the egomaniac I am powerless against, the monster they warned us of in preschool. I can feel her pulling at my heartstrings and filling my head with too much to decipher. It is her that beckons me to exist without feeling or reason without understanding. (But I distinctly feel bits of her escape from those smiles, run out of those laughs, and fall as the sweat by a beat or a rush of feet)
You don't know it yet (though I'm pretty sure you've got some clue) but you kill her, for me, quite a bit..quite alot, in all truth; enough to make me wonder if I'm saving any of you, back. I wish..I wish to know. (I could care less about being selfish) Do you, really? And..would you, still?
There is something to be said about the first.
